I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
