have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
