my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
