$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
