you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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