So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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