Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
