By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
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