do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
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it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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