I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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