My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
