brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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