Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
