Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
