i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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