Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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