Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
