I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
