i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
i think i just lost a toe
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
