i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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