she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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