You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
As shirtless as possible
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
40s are totally the cure
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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