God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
