She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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