dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
