I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
