I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
