I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
