There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i drank out of a bidet.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
