I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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