i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
