My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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