His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
