soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
