Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
