another moral hangover. fuck.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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