last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
This is classic penis vs brain.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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