the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
