now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
