so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
