im about as happy as oj after his trial
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
