U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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