can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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