I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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