Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
