Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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