New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I want a musical about memes.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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