he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
