I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
