were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
