How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
