Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
