I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
