Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
