I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize