They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
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There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
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There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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