Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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