The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
50% drunk capacity currently
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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