I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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