I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Bring me that man meat
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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