So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
